when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize