well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
