i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
