Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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