bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
