Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
