i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
