before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
