He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
jump out the window naked night went bad
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