apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
did you just send me my own nude
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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