I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize