she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
