If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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