Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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