sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
