Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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