Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
