Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize