She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
