Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
