What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
