he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
