I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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