Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
