I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
