Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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