and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's just like the Real World with babies
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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