I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
