please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
