Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
its liver damage thursday
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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