I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my being single is dangerous.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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