i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
