Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize