So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
