My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
