how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
