My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think my moral compass just broke
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
