Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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