He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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