I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
