Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
