What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
