Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
