you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
