my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
