Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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