I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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