Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
