I wanna passion pit in your ass
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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