you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
