We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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