I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
