god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
