walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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