i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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