I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
