someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
