look no pants
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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