fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
