We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't deserve a penis
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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