The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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