Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
