The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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