I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
