I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
where does the pee come out of this thing
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
